Aug 23, 2011 (notice the date)

Momster called at 5:49 pm for 12 minutes. She managed to pull waif to Queen and back to waif again.

#1 She acted like she never knew the earthquake happened. Really?? Then rubbed my face in the fact that she has a new answering machine. I really don't care what she buys.

#2 She said "I don't have TV here" Waaaaa neither do I, I said. (Fact-finding mission). I said I have p.c. she said, "I don't" like a spoiled child. I should have said, "You have heat, I don't"..lemme tell you, she'd lose that pissing contest real quick.

#3 She went on and on and on about her "great friends from work, they are going into nursing, etc." Then she managed to rape my ear about "her friend's son who is a marine biologist working at my old Alma mater's campus at (now SBU) wrote a paper that said LI can't ecologically take any more developments."***  Rubbing in my face my career, that I don't have a job, etc. So I rubbed in her face that over 15 years ago I wrote an Eco paper in college that stated that fact. This was not news and they are being redundant. Not much to say about that.

#4 She has been crying poor but now she is getting her cesspool dug up and re-done because it was caving in. So that shit about taxes and eviction back in June?? F*cking wrong and was just about fear and intimidation. Getting the cesspool dug up and a new one put in (all because of neglect mind you) costs $2-3K

#5 Then she has the NUTS to say "I was worried about you & your grocery situation" Which isn't true. She is trying to find out if I am working or getting money some way. She knows damn well, I should have told her, why don't you ask male tenant, uBPDbrother, or female tenant instead of asking me. Since she has her minions SOOOOO far up my a&& that they pick through my garbage. Oh what, because I didn't put garbage out Monday I'm starving?? She is just plain INSANE.

#6 She is off the rest of the week and into next Monday. So she is setting up time to see if I will see her. Ummm?  I will be as far away from this place as physically possible. Suddenly we are friends? Mixed messages.

#7 She created SUCH a fog while talking, I counted about 7-8 times she talked herself into a corner. She didn't know where she heard this, she didn't know what day the storm happened, she didn't know what days she had off at first, she didn't know what the campus out east was anymore, and on & on & on. Since I was only half listening, I really didn't care. She isn't going to FOG me! My give a damn is thoroughly broken.

#8 She asked me if I knew if the building was o.k. or not several times. Each time I said, yes things seem to be working fine but I AM NOT A STRUCTURAL ENGINEER.

#9 I mentioned the courtyard smells like pee (cat pee on roof?) and sometimes like the cesspool needs to be drained. She ignored that and went on to talk about the neighbor's pool instead. "Did I notice it's never been drained?" Yeah like I sit on top of the neighbor's skull watching his pool everyday....just for her. Rolling eyes. I said who knows, I try to stay away from them, the owner has a huge drug problem. Which is the truth, I have witnessed with my mate the guy lighting up in the back yard thinking no one saw him.

#10 She knows damn well I am here, she had insane male tenant screaming at my window while on the phone directly after the Earthquake.

#11 If she really wants someone to check the building, she should get her minion/bitch to do it for her uBPDbrother since he stalks here anyway. I should have just said that to her.

 

Oh yeah, and please note...it is Aug 23. I noted from my blog and journal that she and uBPD/ASPD? brother tend to act out on the 22 and 23 of almost every month. He stalked me on this Monday morning around 10 am and she called me today the 23rd. CRAZY begins to be predictable after a while....I know you may not think it....but it is. I guess I should wait for a "Brother confrontation" out in the yard soon or Momster flying around the house like a witch on her broom.

 

Now why my older (deceased) brother answered the phone and spoke to family members the way he did is becoming abundantly clear. He used to answer the phone and speak to us in short, angry bursts, and was extremely terse. I used to think, "what the heck is wrong with him?" all the time. Now I know. He was just trying to be sarcastic and detached from the stupidity. I find myself answering Momster the same way while she drones on F.O.G.ging herself on the phone. I know she is just on a fact-finding mission and she probably just wants something from me (watch the house while people come over to work on the cesspool etc.). After the way I have been treated in the last 3 years...she has another thing coming.

 

***No offense, or perhaps-yes offense meant....that wasn't my "Alma Mater" Alma Mater means Nourishing Mother"....that University was my that was my unus quod tantum almus matris. My one and ONLY nourishing mother. This "mother" I speak of above had kids to keep her husband from leaving. Once she had driven him to the other world, she now has all her focus on destroying her other children one by one. Older brother: dead. Older sister: mentally disabled and in and out of the hospital most of this past year. Other brother: a brutal ASPD sociopath of epic proptortions. Guess I am lucky, she only tries to starve me to death.

As my mate says, "Light at the end of the tunnel"

Could you stand some good news for a change? I know I could.

Before Momster ever pulled the rug out with the gas card on the first, I had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach she was up to something. The quiet before the storm perhaps? I had a small panic attack the weekend before she did this. I was looking ahead at bills coming up for me...the car inspection, the car ins starts again in Sept., oil change, etc. and realized THIS is how she will "do me in". When things got kind of quiet as far as the family's frequency of stalking....I could feel something coming down the pike at me.

I guess since BPDs are such shallow vapid people they think since they can be bought off that everyone else can be as well. I suppose Momster thinks if she gas lights me enough and tries to financially crush me under her heel that I will bend to her will. She has no idea what I am made of. I guess she sees my mate (my everything) coming over less and less so that translates to her world as me being vulnerable to her games. She also thinks I didn't get a contract in my profession so I am also vulnerable because of this. BPDs love to see you in a corner with no where to turn. Most of the time, they are the reasons you are in this corner in the first place as they manipulate your life and isolate you. Yes, even BPD parents do this. Abusers ALWAYS isolate their victims socially and financially....then go for the jugular.

Her fist step was the gas card. I could almost bet on the stalking decreasing sharply after this incident. Amazing-it did. After all, if I am grounded--I'm not going anywhere in their minds. Funny enough, at the same time, her nosey tenant immediately stopped staring down the driveway to check on where my car was daily. Hunh? I know it sounds overly paranoid...but as my mate says, NOTHING these sick people do is a coincidence. They plan, they stalk, they plot, and they manipulate.

Last weekend was uBPD/ASPD's b-day party. She showed up leaving a bag of chips on my door handle. Didn't knock, nothing. This was her "primer stalking". If the bag disappears, I am obviously there. Don't call ahead like a normal person...no, that would be....normal. Just play games like a 5 year old. Even sicker is what was in the bag. She left receipts for expensive shrimp and prepared shrimp types from the market to say, (once again like a 5 year old) "we are having a birthday party, look how good we have it". Throwing it in my face. I am struggling to keep my self fed here (selling jewelry), she offers no real help, and she cries poor about the gas card....yet she has the money to blow on her son's birthday dinner. I swear, if I read this myself, I wouldn't believe any of it!! It's so sick, it's like something out of a fiction novel...and a bad one at that.

Anyway, she comes back from the party with a few bags of groceries. That's the "ploy" to talk to me. She bangs on the door. I find her bent over messing with the bags. She stands up and looks like a witch. Funny, she even looks crazy now. I used to cut her hair & my sister's hair...yes, I KNOW how enmeshed I was, thankyouverymuch. Anyway, she has the money to get a haircut. She just won't do it to show that "I don't care for her anymore". Yes, so passive-aggressive that she neglects herself in the process. Crazy much? So her hair is getting long and straggly. If it weren't for her dying it, it would be grey-white and REALLLY look like a witch. Ok, I digress. She makes me bend over & stoop in front of her to pick up the bags. Yet again, makes me stoop over at her feet to pick up the bags. She couldn't hand the bags to me like a normal human being, noooo, she has to make me bow before her like some kind of peasant. I couldn't even talk to her. I have nothing to say. I gave her back food I have problems with....I don't even start to tell her I'm working on a diet to get rid of health problems....there's no point. She doesn't care, she won't remember, and it will just give her more fodder for her insanity. I can hear it now, "you don't have IBS, you have an eating disorder". You know, like my brother with the "You can't possibly have worked out and gotten that thin, you must be bulimic or doing drugs."

She tells me my en-sis is doing better but still in the hospital. She says NOTHING about the gas card incident last week and says nothing about brother's party she was just at. She was staring at me with this look of hatred and disgust on her face....and almost the hint of a smile. Kind of like she was expecting me to blow up at her about the gas card or brother's b-day party or even the money she blew on it. I simply don't care. I don't care enough to give her the satisfaction of ever seeing me angry. I do believe that's one of the lessons on the BPD boards. Don't show any emotion towards them and don't show them that they have made you react in any way. They feed off that drama and the fighting...I dare say they get off on it. Well, not from me. Like I have said since last spring...my "give a damn has been broken". Yeah, it's been broken for a long long time.

Well, after all that bullsh*t...there finally is light at the end of the tunnel. I got the news Friday that I got the job I interviewed for. Granted, it's not great--nowhere near what I need to really move out of here...but it's something. This economy has been so bad in this part of the country for so long, I am amazed I even got an interview. I have been looking in earnest for regular jobs in this area since my career-based professional interviews were over...March? Yeah first interview for a job since I have been applying since March. Five months people...I was seriously considering applying for welfare in the last few weeks. That's how desperate I was getting and that's how little hope I had left.

I still have to sell a few things to get myself started at this position, but it's a start. It's SOMETHING. Something to keep me afloat and to give me hope. Unfortunately, along with this position comes a few other things. I have to get a PO box to avoid my mother opening my mail & finding out I have a new job. I'm sure she'd try to ruin that for me too. I have to start up new accounts with banks she knows nothing about. I have to hide everything I do from this woman so she doesn't ruin it all for me again. Any little advancement she will try to crush.

As it is the past two mornings I have had the garage door slam open at 5 am. I don't sleep well and that's not helping. This could only be my brother. He gets up early with his wife whether he is working or not. My mate & I discussed it. The only reasoning behind stalking me at 5 am is that they are waiting for me to snap at them about it. I personally think they are doing this to check to see if my mate is here or if I am actually staying here. June 23 when I backed my brother down during that last fight I think freaked them out. When I said I didn't care if they sold the building (and evicted me) because I had options....that scared them. Anything they can't hold over your head anymore freaks them out. Perhaps they think my mate got an apartment and I spend most my time there. Who knows. All I know is I am "f*cking with them right back" these days and it is freaking them out. They don't know what to do with me to get me to react to them or to get me "back on the farm" as it were to be manipulated.

Threats of violence isn't working, threats of eviction isn't working, threats of taking away what little financial help they give isn't working, and even using my sick sister as a pawn isn't working. The way they have turned the tenants and old friend against me isn't working either. They simply don't know HOW to "get me" anymore. And I hope it runs like a cold f*cking chill up their spines when they realize I am succeeding in getting away from them. Even more so when I leave this place and they start getting served by lawyers. Best of all, when I have a safe, secure home again with the man I love...building an abuse-free normal family....NEVER to see their awful faces again. THAT is the best revenge of all. After all, sociopaths HATE the control taken away from them and can't STAND being ignored.

Here's to the future.

The beginning of the end...

After you realize your whole f.o.o. has BPD or some other PD, you can sense their drama coming from a mile away. After my uBPD/ASPD brother threatened me with eviction from a shared property last month, I knew there was something brewing.

Since I left the uBPDbf over 2 years ago, I haven't been able to find any work. Not in my career (made a royal go at it too) and not even regular jobs. You wouldnt' believe the amount of apps I filled out. I think I may be close to be getting an interview for a job that will allow me to survive but not enough to let me move out. I am selling anything of worth right now to make it through.

Momster "helped me out" by giving me a gas card and a hardware store card at the beginning. She also helped with repairs on my car. I have given this woman tens of thousands of dollars over the years for whatever she needs...major repairs to the house, taxes, etc etc and never saw a cent back. Now that I need this help, in pure BPD fashion, she is pulling the rug out from under me because I have "displeased her".

I am on the brink of getting an Order of Protection against my stalking brother (her minion) and getting legal help for the impending eviction when she pulled the rug out this a.m. She called in a very business-like way and asked me to cease and desist using the gas card. This effectively grounds me at home and imprisons me at the property they stalk me at. I felt this coming down the pike like a bad storm. I had a panic attack last weekend knowing that the way they are acting, they want to cut off all support from me and let me drift.

All this because I left a man that abused me, started dating a non (that they HATE), and stood up for myself against the f.o.o.'s crazy abuses. It all feels like a kick in the face. I just don't know how much longer I can survive like this. I have mentioned before that when I leave the house to find work or anything that the next few days I get stalked and harassed even more by f.o.o. You know how BPDs "ramp up the crazy" when you displease them. I have had Momster call me up and interrogate me as to where I am and what I am doing (I am 36 mind you) when I leave the house. She has uBPD/ASPD spy on me so she knows my comings and goings.

So now this is the way she's going to cut me from my freedom. If I don't have a car in this area, I can't work. If I don't have a job when she tries to evict me, I will be homeless.

Has the world gone completely mad?

So this is the beginning of the end.