O.k....just had to vent to get this off my chest. Venting in session...sorry it's a long one.
It's my B-day and here we are with a classic BPD extinction burst. Those of you who have had to sit through my venting and stories of the uBPD/ASPD f.o.o. will be familiar with the details. I have been painted black by my family since Dec 08 because I left my uBPDxbf who was abusive on all levels. Momster has taken his side and my boundaries have led to family stalking, physical threats, and extinction bursts in the last 2 years.
Well, this year after being told I can't move the new (a NON thank goodness) bf into my apartment I have gone NC or VLC (very low contact) with f.o.o. It was one of the many last straws. The building I am in I have a partial family right to. I also have stepped out of the family business as one of my boundaries is not to work with anyone who abuses me. I never get paid for any of that work either. Everything was going peachy until I attended my ensis's party in July. The details of which were so horrible it sent my ensis into a full blown emotional melt-down. She is still in the hospital. I wrote about the events in the last post (July 2010). Took me a while to get over it as well.
This is the first year I officially have "no family" and have been thrown out of the clan. I suppose since my non (?) older brother and father have died, I have really had no family. I just didn't realize it, guess I was in denial that these emotional vampires left over could ever feel anything that resembles true family love. I have been ignored on all holidays this year Easter, (thank God) Momster's day, all the b-day parties, etc. Not invited, not even a phone call. Feels empty but at the same time, it saves me from fighting with them either at the event or because I refuse to come.
After all that (and much much more) Momster has taken a whole WEEK off from work...like nothing happened at all....for my B-day. Of course, I am supposed to have a crystal ball to know this emotional vampire would want to spend anytime with me after she has spent two years (and most my life) triangulating with my siblings, using siblings & my toxic friends to stalk me and make me look bad, and starting in-fighting with other family members and customers. Classic BPD in my family has that NPD twist of "hey I made plans that involve you" while never checking with you in the first place. You are supposed to be able to drop anything at any moment for these people...didn't you know that?? She also has started fights with the new bf, planted seeds of doubt for us, raised me in a shame-based enviornment, and taught me love is conditional. How am I supposed to react to this woman?? She also put me in physical danger by ignoring an illness that ended me up almost admitted to a hospital (June 2009). She has no mothering abilities at all. She has no adult emotions at all.
As another thread brought up this week, I have both parentified her in the past and she has been emotionally incestuous. Right now she is in a full-blown extinction burst and ruining my b-day as we speak. For the past few days she has been really up in my business so I kind of expected something was "up". She tried sucking me into the family business again and some family drama. I ignored as best I could. Last week, I picked up the phone and had her kick me in the teeth a few times. Learning to call back when I am prepared is invaluable. Never never answer their calls on the first ring. And yes, she ALWAYS asks me if I am alone. She acts as if the new bf is imaginary and never says his name. She is insanely jealous of him....
Back to the extinction burst. She calls me up this week and asks several times to see me on my b-day. I tell her I am going out of state perhaps and I haven't made solid plans as of yet. She pouts and is very annoyed. Every time she gets on the phone she uses "family business" as an excuse and then reveals what she really wants. Creepy interrogation tactics as well. I cried because yet again this year I am reminded I will never have a normal mother and I never did. She was an illusion all along.
Yesterday she created some drama where I had to stop what I was doing, run back to this building and "save her"...thus cutting my plans short for the day. Control. Plain & simple. Last night was the final straw. Again calling about "some other business" (which I really don't give a damn about) she brought up going out and spending the day together with me for my b-day. I again give her vague answers.
About the third phone call she did this, I finally snapped on her and told her I just want to be left alone on my b-day. Of course, she "waifed" on me and shrunk off the phone like the wicked witch hit by some water. Today, she said she'd show up at 10 am at my building to do some imaginary business in another part of the building. At 10 am the bf left to avoid her so I am alone on my B-day. Just like she wants it. She shows up and bangs around downstairs to "let me know she is here". There are no people here, I seriously think this whole "meeting" she scheduled is in her imagination. Since 10 am she has left the building twice and come back. It is almost as she is circling the building. She will not bang on my door but I know if the bf comes back she will demand to come up into my apt. She is stalking plain and simple. Acting like a jealous, jilted lover, and a pouty childish one at that. Almost as if she is saying, "If I can't have you on your attention on your B-day, then I will make damn sure no one will."
One last call....after all the stalking this a.m..... She has "heard" that I want nothing to do with her several times now. She "heard" I have other plans. It is just not sinking in. She just invited me out again like it's Groundhog Day. Sounds like she is confident I am worn down enough and will submit to her plans.
Not only has she ruined other relationships in my f.o.o. and any chances of a normal family life or holidays, now she is sh*tting on my B-day. I should have just left the state. Thanks for listening to my rant. I am so sick & tired of dealing with this childish brat. At least I have grown beyond the guilt she has been laying on me this whole week.
What has your BPD done to you on your B-day?
It's my B-day and here we are with a classic BPD extinction burst. Those of you who have had to sit through my venting and stories of the uBPD/ASPD f.o.o. will be familiar with the details. I have been painted black by my family since Dec 08 because I left my uBPDxbf who was abusive on all levels. Momster has taken his side and my boundaries have led to family stalking, physical threats, and extinction bursts in the last 2 years.
Well, this year after being told I can't move the new (a NON thank goodness) bf into my apartment I have gone NC or VLC (very low contact) with f.o.o. It was one of the many last straws. The building I am in I have a partial family right to. I also have stepped out of the family business as one of my boundaries is not to work with anyone who abuses me. I never get paid for any of that work either. Everything was going peachy until I attended my ensis's party in July. The details of which were so horrible it sent my ensis into a full blown emotional melt-down. She is still in the hospital. I wrote about the events in the last post (July 2010). Took me a while to get over it as well.
This is the first year I officially have "no family" and have been thrown out of the clan. I suppose since my non (?) older brother and father have died, I have really had no family. I just didn't realize it, guess I was in denial that these emotional vampires left over could ever feel anything that resembles true family love. I have been ignored on all holidays this year Easter, (thank God) Momster's day, all the b-day parties, etc. Not invited, not even a phone call. Feels empty but at the same time, it saves me from fighting with them either at the event or because I refuse to come.
After all that (and much much more) Momster has taken a whole WEEK off from work...like nothing happened at all....for my B-day. Of course, I am supposed to have a crystal ball to know this emotional vampire would want to spend anytime with me after she has spent two years (and most my life) triangulating with my siblings, using siblings & my toxic friends to stalk me and make me look bad, and starting in-fighting with other family members and customers. Classic BPD in my family has that NPD twist of "hey I made plans that involve you" while never checking with you in the first place. You are supposed to be able to drop anything at any moment for these people...didn't you know that?? She also has started fights with the new bf, planted seeds of doubt for us, raised me in a shame-based enviornment, and taught me love is conditional. How am I supposed to react to this woman?? She also put me in physical danger by ignoring an illness that ended me up almost admitted to a hospital (June 2009). She has no mothering abilities at all. She has no adult emotions at all.
As another thread brought up this week, I have both parentified her in the past and she has been emotionally incestuous. Right now she is in a full-blown extinction burst and ruining my b-day as we speak. For the past few days she has been really up in my business so I kind of expected something was "up". She tried sucking me into the family business again and some family drama. I ignored as best I could. Last week, I picked up the phone and had her kick me in the teeth a few times. Learning to call back when I am prepared is invaluable. Never never answer their calls on the first ring. And yes, she ALWAYS asks me if I am alone. She acts as if the new bf is imaginary and never says his name. She is insanely jealous of him....
Back to the extinction burst. She calls me up this week and asks several times to see me on my b-day. I tell her I am going out of state perhaps and I haven't made solid plans as of yet. She pouts and is very annoyed. Every time she gets on the phone she uses "family business" as an excuse and then reveals what she really wants. Creepy interrogation tactics as well. I cried because yet again this year I am reminded I will never have a normal mother and I never did. She was an illusion all along.
Yesterday she created some drama where I had to stop what I was doing, run back to this building and "save her"...thus cutting my plans short for the day. Control. Plain & simple. Last night was the final straw. Again calling about "some other business" (which I really don't give a damn about) she brought up going out and spending the day together with me for my b-day. I again give her vague answers.
About the third phone call she did this, I finally snapped on her and told her I just want to be left alone on my b-day. Of course, she "waifed" on me and shrunk off the phone like the wicked witch hit by some water. Today, she said she'd show up at 10 am at my building to do some imaginary business in another part of the building. At 10 am the bf left to avoid her so I am alone on my B-day. Just like she wants it. She shows up and bangs around downstairs to "let me know she is here". There are no people here, I seriously think this whole "meeting" she scheduled is in her imagination. Since 10 am she has left the building twice and come back. It is almost as she is circling the building. She will not bang on my door but I know if the bf comes back she will demand to come up into my apt. She is stalking plain and simple. Acting like a jealous, jilted lover, and a pouty childish one at that. Almost as if she is saying, "If I can't have you on your attention on your B-day, then I will make damn sure no one will."
One last call....after all the stalking this a.m..... She has "heard" that I want nothing to do with her several times now. She "heard" I have other plans. It is just not sinking in. She just invited me out again like it's Groundhog Day. Sounds like she is confident I am worn down enough and will submit to her plans.
Not only has she ruined other relationships in my f.o.o. and any chances of a normal family life or holidays, now she is sh*tting on my B-day. I should have just left the state. Thanks for listening to my rant. I am so sick & tired of dealing with this childish brat. At least I have grown beyond the guilt she has been laying on me this whole week.
What has your BPD done to you on your B-day?
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