Aug 23, 2011 (notice the date)

Momster called at 5:49 pm for 12 minutes. She managed to pull waif to Queen and back to waif again.

#1 She acted like she never knew the earthquake happened. Really?? Then rubbed my face in the fact that she has a new answering machine. I really don't care what she buys.

#2 She said "I don't have TV here" Waaaaa neither do I, I said. (Fact-finding mission). I said I have p.c. she said, "I don't" like a spoiled child. I should have said, "You have heat, I don't"..lemme tell you, she'd lose that pissing contest real quick.

#3 She went on and on and on about her "great friends from work, they are going into nursing, etc." Then she managed to rape my ear about "her friend's son who is a marine biologist working at my old Alma mater's campus at (now SBU) wrote a paper that said LI can't ecologically take any more developments."***  Rubbing in my face my career, that I don't have a job, etc. So I rubbed in her face that over 15 years ago I wrote an Eco paper in college that stated that fact. This was not news and they are being redundant. Not much to say about that.

#4 She has been crying poor but now she is getting her cesspool dug up and re-done because it was caving in. So that shit about taxes and eviction back in June?? F*cking wrong and was just about fear and intimidation. Getting the cesspool dug up and a new one put in (all because of neglect mind you) costs $2-3K

#5 Then she has the NUTS to say "I was worried about you & your grocery situation" Which isn't true. She is trying to find out if I am working or getting money some way. She knows damn well, I should have told her, why don't you ask male tenant, uBPDbrother, or female tenant instead of asking me. Since she has her minions SOOOOO far up my a&& that they pick through my garbage. Oh what, because I didn't put garbage out Monday I'm starving?? She is just plain INSANE.

#6 She is off the rest of the week and into next Monday. So she is setting up time to see if I will see her. Ummm?  I will be as far away from this place as physically possible. Suddenly we are friends? Mixed messages.

#7 She created SUCH a fog while talking, I counted about 7-8 times she talked herself into a corner. She didn't know where she heard this, she didn't know what day the storm happened, she didn't know what days she had off at first, she didn't know what the campus out east was anymore, and on & on & on. Since I was only half listening, I really didn't care. She isn't going to FOG me! My give a damn is thoroughly broken.

#8 She asked me if I knew if the building was o.k. or not several times. Each time I said, yes things seem to be working fine but I AM NOT A STRUCTURAL ENGINEER.

#9 I mentioned the courtyard smells like pee (cat pee on roof?) and sometimes like the cesspool needs to be drained. She ignored that and went on to talk about the neighbor's pool instead. "Did I notice it's never been drained?" Yeah like I sit on top of the neighbor's skull watching his pool everyday....just for her. Rolling eyes. I said who knows, I try to stay away from them, the owner has a huge drug problem. Which is the truth, I have witnessed with my mate the guy lighting up in the back yard thinking no one saw him.

#10 She knows damn well I am here, she had insane male tenant screaming at my window while on the phone directly after the Earthquake.

#11 If she really wants someone to check the building, she should get her minion/bitch to do it for her uBPDbrother since he stalks here anyway. I should have just said that to her.

 

Oh yeah, and please note...it is Aug 23. I noted from my blog and journal that she and uBPD/ASPD? brother tend to act out on the 22 and 23 of almost every month. He stalked me on this Monday morning around 10 am and she called me today the 23rd. CRAZY begins to be predictable after a while....I know you may not think it....but it is. I guess I should wait for a "Brother confrontation" out in the yard soon or Momster flying around the house like a witch on her broom.

 

Now why my older (deceased) brother answered the phone and spoke to family members the way he did is becoming abundantly clear. He used to answer the phone and speak to us in short, angry bursts, and was extremely terse. I used to think, "what the heck is wrong with him?" all the time. Now I know. He was just trying to be sarcastic and detached from the stupidity. I find myself answering Momster the same way while she drones on F.O.G.ging herself on the phone. I know she is just on a fact-finding mission and she probably just wants something from me (watch the house while people come over to work on the cesspool etc.). After the way I have been treated in the last 3 years...she has another thing coming.

 

***No offense, or perhaps-yes offense meant....that wasn't my "Alma Mater" Alma Mater means Nourishing Mother"....that University was my that was my unus quod tantum almus matris. My one and ONLY nourishing mother. This "mother" I speak of above had kids to keep her husband from leaving. Once she had driven him to the other world, she now has all her focus on destroying her other children one by one. Older brother: dead. Older sister: mentally disabled and in and out of the hospital most of this past year. Other brother: a brutal ASPD sociopath of epic proptortions. Guess I am lucky, she only tries to starve me to death.

As my mate says, "Light at the end of the tunnel"

Could you stand some good news for a change? I know I could.

Before Momster ever pulled the rug out with the gas card on the first, I had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach she was up to something. The quiet before the storm perhaps? I had a small panic attack the weekend before she did this. I was looking ahead at bills coming up for me...the car inspection, the car ins starts again in Sept., oil change, etc. and realized THIS is how she will "do me in". When things got kind of quiet as far as the family's frequency of stalking....I could feel something coming down the pike at me.

I guess since BPDs are such shallow vapid people they think since they can be bought off that everyone else can be as well. I suppose Momster thinks if she gas lights me enough and tries to financially crush me under her heel that I will bend to her will. She has no idea what I am made of. I guess she sees my mate (my everything) coming over less and less so that translates to her world as me being vulnerable to her games. She also thinks I didn't get a contract in my profession so I am also vulnerable because of this. BPDs love to see you in a corner with no where to turn. Most of the time, they are the reasons you are in this corner in the first place as they manipulate your life and isolate you. Yes, even BPD parents do this. Abusers ALWAYS isolate their victims socially and financially....then go for the jugular.

Her fist step was the gas card. I could almost bet on the stalking decreasing sharply after this incident. Amazing-it did. After all, if I am grounded--I'm not going anywhere in their minds. Funny enough, at the same time, her nosey tenant immediately stopped staring down the driveway to check on where my car was daily. Hunh? I know it sounds overly paranoid...but as my mate says, NOTHING these sick people do is a coincidence. They plan, they stalk, they plot, and they manipulate.

Last weekend was uBPD/ASPD's b-day party. She showed up leaving a bag of chips on my door handle. Didn't knock, nothing. This was her "primer stalking". If the bag disappears, I am obviously there. Don't call ahead like a normal person...no, that would be....normal. Just play games like a 5 year old. Even sicker is what was in the bag. She left receipts for expensive shrimp and prepared shrimp types from the market to say, (once again like a 5 year old) "we are having a birthday party, look how good we have it". Throwing it in my face. I am struggling to keep my self fed here (selling jewelry), she offers no real help, and she cries poor about the gas card....yet she has the money to blow on her son's birthday dinner. I swear, if I read this myself, I wouldn't believe any of it!! It's so sick, it's like something out of a fiction novel...and a bad one at that.

Anyway, she comes back from the party with a few bags of groceries. That's the "ploy" to talk to me. She bangs on the door. I find her bent over messing with the bags. She stands up and looks like a witch. Funny, she even looks crazy now. I used to cut her hair & my sister's hair...yes, I KNOW how enmeshed I was, thankyouverymuch. Anyway, she has the money to get a haircut. She just won't do it to show that "I don't care for her anymore". Yes, so passive-aggressive that she neglects herself in the process. Crazy much? So her hair is getting long and straggly. If it weren't for her dying it, it would be grey-white and REALLLY look like a witch. Ok, I digress. She makes me bend over & stoop in front of her to pick up the bags. Yet again, makes me stoop over at her feet to pick up the bags. She couldn't hand the bags to me like a normal human being, noooo, she has to make me bow before her like some kind of peasant. I couldn't even talk to her. I have nothing to say. I gave her back food I have problems with....I don't even start to tell her I'm working on a diet to get rid of health problems....there's no point. She doesn't care, she won't remember, and it will just give her more fodder for her insanity. I can hear it now, "you don't have IBS, you have an eating disorder". You know, like my brother with the "You can't possibly have worked out and gotten that thin, you must be bulimic or doing drugs."

She tells me my en-sis is doing better but still in the hospital. She says NOTHING about the gas card incident last week and says nothing about brother's party she was just at. She was staring at me with this look of hatred and disgust on her face....and almost the hint of a smile. Kind of like she was expecting me to blow up at her about the gas card or brother's b-day party or even the money she blew on it. I simply don't care. I don't care enough to give her the satisfaction of ever seeing me angry. I do believe that's one of the lessons on the BPD boards. Don't show any emotion towards them and don't show them that they have made you react in any way. They feed off that drama and the fighting...I dare say they get off on it. Well, not from me. Like I have said since last spring...my "give a damn has been broken". Yeah, it's been broken for a long long time.

Well, after all that bullsh*t...there finally is light at the end of the tunnel. I got the news Friday that I got the job I interviewed for. Granted, it's not great--nowhere near what I need to really move out of here...but it's something. This economy has been so bad in this part of the country for so long, I am amazed I even got an interview. I have been looking in earnest for regular jobs in this area since my career-based professional interviews were over...March? Yeah first interview for a job since I have been applying since March. Five months people...I was seriously considering applying for welfare in the last few weeks. That's how desperate I was getting and that's how little hope I had left.

I still have to sell a few things to get myself started at this position, but it's a start. It's SOMETHING. Something to keep me afloat and to give me hope. Unfortunately, along with this position comes a few other things. I have to get a PO box to avoid my mother opening my mail & finding out I have a new job. I'm sure she'd try to ruin that for me too. I have to start up new accounts with banks she knows nothing about. I have to hide everything I do from this woman so she doesn't ruin it all for me again. Any little advancement she will try to crush.

As it is the past two mornings I have had the garage door slam open at 5 am. I don't sleep well and that's not helping. This could only be my brother. He gets up early with his wife whether he is working or not. My mate & I discussed it. The only reasoning behind stalking me at 5 am is that they are waiting for me to snap at them about it. I personally think they are doing this to check to see if my mate is here or if I am actually staying here. June 23 when I backed my brother down during that last fight I think freaked them out. When I said I didn't care if they sold the building (and evicted me) because I had options....that scared them. Anything they can't hold over your head anymore freaks them out. Perhaps they think my mate got an apartment and I spend most my time there. Who knows. All I know is I am "f*cking with them right back" these days and it is freaking them out. They don't know what to do with me to get me to react to them or to get me "back on the farm" as it were to be manipulated.

Threats of violence isn't working, threats of eviction isn't working, threats of taking away what little financial help they give isn't working, and even using my sick sister as a pawn isn't working. The way they have turned the tenants and old friend against me isn't working either. They simply don't know HOW to "get me" anymore. And I hope it runs like a cold f*cking chill up their spines when they realize I am succeeding in getting away from them. Even more so when I leave this place and they start getting served by lawyers. Best of all, when I have a safe, secure home again with the man I love...building an abuse-free normal family....NEVER to see their awful faces again. THAT is the best revenge of all. After all, sociopaths HATE the control taken away from them and can't STAND being ignored.

Here's to the future.

The beginning of the end...

After you realize your whole f.o.o. has BPD or some other PD, you can sense their drama coming from a mile away. After my uBPD/ASPD brother threatened me with eviction from a shared property last month, I knew there was something brewing.

Since I left the uBPDbf over 2 years ago, I haven't been able to find any work. Not in my career (made a royal go at it too) and not even regular jobs. You wouldnt' believe the amount of apps I filled out. I think I may be close to be getting an interview for a job that will allow me to survive but not enough to let me move out. I am selling anything of worth right now to make it through.

Momster "helped me out" by giving me a gas card and a hardware store card at the beginning. She also helped with repairs on my car. I have given this woman tens of thousands of dollars over the years for whatever she needs...major repairs to the house, taxes, etc etc and never saw a cent back. Now that I need this help, in pure BPD fashion, she is pulling the rug out from under me because I have "displeased her".

I am on the brink of getting an Order of Protection against my stalking brother (her minion) and getting legal help for the impending eviction when she pulled the rug out this a.m. She called in a very business-like way and asked me to cease and desist using the gas card. This effectively grounds me at home and imprisons me at the property they stalk me at. I felt this coming down the pike like a bad storm. I had a panic attack last weekend knowing that the way they are acting, they want to cut off all support from me and let me drift.

All this because I left a man that abused me, started dating a non (that they HATE), and stood up for myself against the f.o.o.'s crazy abuses. It all feels like a kick in the face. I just don't know how much longer I can survive like this. I have mentioned before that when I leave the house to find work or anything that the next few days I get stalked and harassed even more by f.o.o. You know how BPDs "ramp up the crazy" when you displease them. I have had Momster call me up and interrogate me as to where I am and what I am doing (I am 36 mind you) when I leave the house. She has uBPD/ASPD spy on me so she knows my comings and goings.

So now this is the way she's going to cut me from my freedom. If I don't have a car in this area, I can't work. If I don't have a job when she tries to evict me, I will be homeless.

Has the world gone completely mad?

So this is the beginning of the end.

On being dismissed when you need support the most.

There's advice all over the Internet and in books and articles everywhere that tell one how to fight back against abuse. The first thing you can do is to tell everyone else about the harassment and abuse. It is said that this step, coming out of secrecy and shining the light of day on the abuse is the first step towards healing yourself. This is where you find out exactly who your real friends are and who is just as messed up as the people abusing you.


Perfect example...I have a "friend" that is involved in my family's affairs to a certain extent. She is, unfortunately, ever-present in my community. I have had problems with her in the past. She was obscenely jealous of my education in college and even worse when I went to grad school. I guess growing up in a family of sociopaths gives you a strange view of what love and friendship is all about. You tend to (you can read this in articles as well) surround yourself with sociopaths like the ones at home because it feels "right" to you. Love is conditional in your family and it becomes that way in friendships and with your boyfriends/ girlfriends. Extremely judgemental people who are controlling seems like home to you so you welcome them in. So I have to forgive myself for having invited her in several times.


Anyway, this "friend" over the years has pulled some wild things. I dated a NPD years back and she took his side in a lot of things, saying I was wrong and he was on the right side of things. She knew I was abused by him physically and raped as well by him. She still took his side. Yeah, friends are supposed to wish you well, not take the side of your abuser. Once I got rid of him, I did the "fade" on her as well. I just didn't need toxic people in my life. She visited me once in grad school...that was like the last straw. She managed in one night to insult me horribly in front of my professional school friends, befriend a girl from my school that no one could stand, watch while I got physically sick with apathy, and tell my my friends were imaginary because she didn't meet most of them that night. "Questions your perception of reality.."...certainly a trait of an abusive person in your life.


Lucky me, she is associated with my family now. Best is, Momster has treated her like she is her replacement daughter to me, flattering her, using her financially, and all around kissing her ass. The psychotic Twister game of manipulation that goes on between those two must be amazing. I go cross-eyed thinking about the conversations they have. I digress...


So after I left the uBPDxbf, I am now in the area with this "friend". I set out boundaries straight out. Tell her I was abused (she probably thought I made that one up too) and that I need my privacy. In other words, kindly back off--I need my space. I told her that the NPD was a saint compared to what the uBPDxbf had done to me. She had no emotion to this, didn't even flinch. I was astonished at her callousness. Then after things busted out with my family last year, I told her a little of what they were up to as well. Some of the stalking, some of the things that were said, how my mother treated me, how I was fearful of my own brother, etc. Not only did she act like she didn't care, she dismissed my accusations of abuse. "Oh, everyone has family trouble, Ahimsa." I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.


Every time a victim is dismissed and ignored by people and society at large, they help another crime to happen. After she had done this several times to me, I put her in the same category as my family...I am NC with her as well. She recently had a child and I am sorry, I see this as no saving grace for her. First off, if she is a BPD like my mother ("friend" has raged at me in the past) on top of having a drinking problem, that kid's life will be a mess. I fear for the hell that child will grow up in. The "friend" is still a heartless, cruel, superficial, climbing, back-stabbing "person". Just because she managed to have a child does not change that at all. She receives no pity or congratulations from me. I know exactly what that kid's life is going to be like, I am going through it now. I feel nothing for this "friend" and I see her like I see everyone else who dismisses me and my plight. This is where that phrase "If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem" becomes true.


Using the Medium chill (from the BPD family boards) method with someone like her is the only thing you can do:
1. NEVER share personal information or private information about yourself.
2. NEVER get involved in their problems/ drama
3. Disconnect
4. Detach 

At 12 pm the male tenant came home. I looked out side window (North side of building) and the tenant was staring down the driveway at my car. I then heard him in the courtyard a few minutes later  screaming at someone...maybe himself, who knows?


I come back to my desk and go to North window again to see my uBPD/ASPD brother's truck parked next to the garage. This struck fear in my chest. I didn't hear anyone come into the building....where IS he? What is he doing here for a second time today, he isn't working on the building and hasn't been for months. I get queesey feeling that I am unsafe again. But that's what sociopaths do, they LOVE creating an atmosphere of fear and guilt.


The tenant was talking to uBPD/ASPDbrother screaming at him in the courtyard. Brother is lurking & stalking around building 2nd time today. Is this like this every day of the week? He comes by twice a day, sometimes 3 times a day to "check up on me"? Most of the time he is silent and I don't hear him pull up or come in the building. Perhaps THIS is why "they know" when I leave & come back because he is ALWAYS HERE stalking me. My boyfriend had suggested this before, that it isn't the tenant that is telling uBPD Momster my comings & goings, that it actually is my brother. I just could NOT believe that someone is that bored...or that much of a control freak....or is that predatory towards their own sister. Perhaps the boyfriend is right about this. I feel a knot in my stomach.


I have noticed the stalkings become more noticeable & frequent when I leave for hours at a time any given day. As if it pisses them off that I have left the building for any reason!!! I am afraid to come downstairs & go out to start my day because I know uBPD/ASPD brother is down there just sitting there waiting. I have no idea what his problem is with me, what he wants to do besides scare me or start a fight with me.


The first year I moved here I noticed when I left the building for any errand that one of the tenants would text me or Momster would call me. A few times my uBPD mother actually interrogated me on the phone as to "where I was, what I was doing, and what I was up to"----AS IF I was doing anything wrong. AS IF a (at the time) 34 year old woman NEEDS to tell ANYONE what she is doing of a day. How DARE SHE?? After all the control and privacy issues I had with my uBPD xbf....I come back to THIS? Being QUIZZED as to "what I am up to"?? As if LIVING MY LIFE the way I want & coming & going as I please is some how offensive to her and I should have guilt over it?? How SICK AND TWISTED are they? Where do they GET OFF monitoring where I go & what I do? I felt imprisoned by my uBPDxbf and now I feel imprisoned here. As if Momster & brother act like some kind of wardens and I need to "check in" with them before I do anything?


HOW DARE they do something like this? These actions go against my basic human rights. Brother never stays long enough in the building when he stalks to have the cops called. He also has a right to be here because it is shared family property. I feel unsafe here yet again and fearful that brother is going to harm me one day. I suppose writing about it is the only way to make my self feel better, since I can't seem to get any help in this situation.

Tues. July 5, 2011

So every one I know is aware that my enmeshed sister has been in and out of the hospital for the last year. Really, mostly in. I saw her once last July for her birthday (and you all read the shocking things that happened there July 23) and shortly after she was in the hospital for a breakdown. I believe the "family" precipitated that breakdown in the first place. My sister was in & out I think twice after that...when she was let out it was only for a week. I spoke to her a few times on the phone and >poof< she was back in until almost Christmas last year.


I saw her right before Christmas to set up her trees and cut her hair. She also invited me over for a little Christmas party because my family was still "boycotting me" and refused to spend any time at Christmas with me. No offense, seeing the way they have treated me and my boyfriend from late 2008 to 2010 (at that time), I didn't want to see them either. Sister grew exceedingly strange, defiant, and combative at that time. Very shortly after she went back in. She came out of the hospital that winter and I was very busy with the drafting interviews for my career. Studying, avoiding the almost constant stalkings from uBPD/ASPDbrother and uBPDm, and driving to interviews in frigid weather and storms.


Some time that winter, around January, I had a phone conversation in my apartment with the boyfriend about my sister. I talked about how the Dr.s probably don't know Momster is a raging BPD herself and she manipulates everything about my sister's care because she is next of kin. I also said that once I get in a better position (back into graduate medical education) I should really advocate for my sister when she is in the hospital. I mentioned that Momster is the worst person to be handling this, as anyone who has read about a BPD parent knows they want their kids to fail to make them feel better. The parents have this sick self-fulfilling prophecy to uphold. If their kids fail, they will stay in the nest and be minions for them. Also, the kids will be constant reminders to the parents that they are better than their kids--also, there will always be someone around dependant on them, always someone around they can abuse. A few days later I get this screaming phone call from my mother. She accused me of calling the Dr.s at the hospital. She screamed at me that my sister told Momster that "she was going to be going home on Tuesday from the hospital, that Ahimsa & the Dr.'s talked it out and decided." She accused me of meddling with my sister's treatment. I got so angry. I yelled back at her, "You know one of my boundaries is that I will not call or visit my sister in the hospital...it gets me upset...and the few times I visited her 10 years ago, she was violent with me. You also never gave me the phone number. I don't even know where she is." You know, arguing with a crazy person is not too productive? Of course she didn't believe me...that whole story was concocted anyway. Either she or uBPD/ASPDbrother were downstairs in the hallway when I made that phone call. What Momster was doing was trying to draw me out about that phone conversation. She also knew other things about my interviews at that time that I had mentioned to the boyfriend. Yeah, and I am not being stalked at all....


Between being cut off from the family and uBPDm triangulating between the siblings, I could not keep track at this time of where my sister was. I think she came out in Jan and went back in a week later...only to come out again in Feb. When I asked my uBPDm directly on the phone (when interviews calmed down) where my sister was and how she was doing, Momster pulled a "waif". Momster beat around the bush saying she couldn't really "remember, she had been in and out so many times..." "Oh poor me, my daughter is in a mental hospital." Well, that crap works for her with her co-workers and the people she uses, but not with me. I let it go to avoid yet another fight.


Well, since I avoided telling Momster when exactly my interviews were, it infuriated her to no ends. Control out of her hands...Anyway, sister got out in Feb. and I actually got to speak to her on the phone. I was telling her I would call her to set up time to hang out, but that I was really busy with interviews at the time. I could tell on the phone sister was not "herself" as of yet and had been let out a little too early. Sister had made fun of my attempts to give her the Christmas gifts, saying I never visited her when she was in a treatment facility about 10 years ago....etc.etc...she just lit into me at every attempt to make her happy. I had gotten a t.v. from a friend for her apartment and she made fun of that...saying "I thought she was an idiot, a child that had to be babysat with a t.v....that she didn't need my gifts." I had a very bitter taste in my mouth from that last conversation. I told her I would call her in 2 weeks or so.


At that time (those 2 weeks in Feb) I became sick with a pretty bad flu-like virus. Sister decided if she couldn't get me on the phone (she called but left no messages from an unavailable phone number) she would "get back at me". On Feb 23, I was woken up to the sound of the county police pounding on my door. Of course the nosey tenant (who used to be my "best friend" from HS) went to go speak to them...police banging at Ahimsa's door? This is too good for her to pass up. Anyway, I get out there and they say they have a report from my sister that I was 73 years old and have been missing for weeks. Sister told the cops she was "concerned for my safety" and that I wasn't answering my phone. THIS is how you get some one on your side and to pick up the phone? You file a false missing person's report on them? I was RIGHT in the middle of my interviews and ranking period for my career. I was going on interviews in the major city near me and in cities in other states. I am a professional. I can't have people filing missing person's reports about me while I am trying to get back into my career. I complained bitterly to Momster about this over the phone after the police left. Momster acted like nothing had happened. Momster said it had happened to her as well, the police had shown up at her doorstep as well that morning. She acted like NOTHING WAS WRONG, that this happens every day. I was stunned, shocked, appalled, and---I don't even know why. This is status quo for this group of sociopaths.


Why do I bring all this crap up? I miss my sister. Even though she has pulled some awful stunts in the last year and said some awful things to me, I still love her. I haven't seen her since December. Sister has been in the hospital since Feb (after the faulty missing person's report) and I haven't heard a peep from her. She was transferred to a state hospital. In that facility, my uBPDsil (who is a nurse for the state) has called her friends at that facility and used them to "check up on my sister". My uBPD/ASPD brother told me this June 22 before he blew up on me the next day. He said his wife had called friends on staff at the facility sister is in and had found out sister is in an area where there is a short-stay treatment plan. Great, so my uBPDsil is breaking HIPAA laws and STALKING my sister while she is in a mental hospital. Using her professional ties and friends to "check up on her" through the system. I am blown away. No one will believe any of this. I can't!! WHO DOES THIS?!?!?


Getting back to why I brought this up....my Momster called me at 11:31 this a.m. The only reasons Momster calls me: to find out what I am doing, to scream at me to release her BPD rage, or to use me in some way. I must be about to get "used". After Sister has been in the hospital for 5 months and no one from the family has told me her phone numbers or exactly where she is....Momster decides to "let me have" Sister's phone numbers. Now, if you read the above back story, you know Momster will not let me have the phone numbers to the staff's desk or the Dr.'s number. She lets me have the public phone number to the floor of a psych ward. Yeah, real helpful. THEN she tells me what times to call. Funny, these are all times I usually get stalked by her or my brother. Then Momster being Momster, she tells me this week is Sister's big decade birthday and I should call. She says it in that subtle "You are so stupid you can't remember your sister's birthday" tone. Then she tries waifing and getting sympathy from me. I could care less about Momster...I have no compassion for someone who has made my life a living hell for two solid years. Someone who has destroyed all my family relationships, triangulated so much that my siblings hate me or stalk me, someone who has turned tenants, old friends, neighnors, everyone around me against me...I am supposed to feel sorry for her?? She gaslights Sister until she has a breakdown, she riles up her son until he comes over to my apartment ready to fight with me, she stalks me at my apartment, and the list goes on. I am sorry. I feel no pity for a sociopath.

I can't see a conversation on my sister's birthday going well for either of us at all. Sociopaths don't "give out information" on a whim, they always do things for a purpose...I just don't know what that purpose is yet. I feel like I am walking into a trap by calling her.

Nov 13, 2010

Momster is the last person on Earth who should have ever had kids. She is so twisted and as she gets older she gets worse. That's the thought that has been in my head all week: Sometimes I wish my father would have divorced her and remarried. First off, I would have begged for days to go with him. Second off, I think it would have extended his life for a few more years. Third off, I have to vent that this woman is the
most cruel sadistic witch I have ever EVER come across. She is working my last good nerve at this moment.

And....why is it BPDs have radar to know EXACTLY when is NOT a good moment for you to deal with their drama? It's like she has a panic button somewhere that goes off when I am making serious steps and strides to further my career and finally leave the area. Then she cuts her waif act and jumps on the broom ala BPD Witch. For the last two months I have been focused and concentrating hard on getting interviews out of state and spending all my time ON ME. Wow, that does NOT go over well with a BPD. Not only does it seem Momster is agitated and dysregulated because of Seasonal Affective Disorder (it's a guess?) but she is coming at me harder than ever because this is the last extinction burst before the holidays. God KNOWS I will not be at their holidays which turns into a traumatic event for anyone normal. Almost as if they invite you to be the torture victim. Like they say to each other, "We're not having turkey, we're having Ahimsa..or ensis.
Here, sit on the platter...."

Refresher: Last year at this time Momster pulled some lame excuses out of a hat (legal/zoning) as to WHY she "could not have" my new bf  (the non) live in my apartment. None of which are based in reality as you could have guessed. She yelled and raged at me over the phone and built guilt & shame into the conversation as well. She's amazing like that. I had made the mistake to trust my uBPD/ASPD brother and tell
him my bf was moving some computer equipment into my apartment. I didn't know at that time that my family was full-blown PDed. My fault I suppose. Found out later that uBPD/ASPD brother is also the golden child and the biggest stalker and minion anyone has ever seen. Here we are again. Three days after daylight savings time and she makes an excuse to come and inspect the building. She grimaces and pulls on "evil mask" pointing at bfs car.  "He's not LIVING here, IS HE?" She says with disgust. I mean she just stopped short of spitting on his car. I did catch her circling the car and snooping around it. Sometimes I fear she will slash a tire. This is how vindictive she can be. She was shaking with anticipation of stomping on my happiness. Since she is sooooo crazy her question didn't catch me off guard. I honestly replied, "Why, NO." with some disgust of my own. She almost acted as if I was on the same team with her, that I am against him with her. She is truly delusional. I want to marry this man and she acts like he's the enemy.

You can imagine this little exchange reminded me that I have no family. I never did. They are empty hollow emotional shells that I wouldn't even deem human. I have people in front of me but they were never what I thought they were. I projected loving family members onto them because that's what I needed after all the death in my family. I created a fantasy for them to mirror and they ate it up to finally have control over me. I'm sorry. I feel no pity or compassion for BPDs at this point. Maybe I went backwards in my healing because of this recent event.

Of course, the next day the uBPD/ASPD brother (that hasn't been around my house in months) shows up on his day off to "work" at the building. Minion. I should have put money on it. They make me vomit they are so predictable. I am so glad the bf has been here to witness the stalkings this spring and again this season as well. I don't think anyone would believe what's been happening if they weren't painted black by these people.

They are one thing to the public: so charming and accommodating, so sweet and loving. Behind closed doors
they are sick, controlling, twisted, and calculating. I am heart broken again. Of course this week's events started an argument between the bf and I. It's what the f.o.o. counts on. Their ultimate goal to create strife and separate you from loved ones. He's gone back to his other home (in another state) and I feel punished for having a BPD family. From the f.o.o.'s view, I feel punished that I have a love life and want a normal life for once. I can tell this is going to be a bad weekend for me. I just feel like it's all spun out of control again. What the heck just happened?